oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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