I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
