I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize