Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think your dad took our porno
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
