Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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