Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
