you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
