your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
