just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize