just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
