Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
