After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it because I queefed?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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