I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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