i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize