I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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