I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
