You can't special order awesome
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
