i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
