You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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