So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
