I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
