I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
