If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
