i need an iv and a liver transplant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
