woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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