I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
