New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
