Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
