Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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