So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
