you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
