You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
