i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
