Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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