but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
