My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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