the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
