i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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