why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So. Much. Porn.
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