I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Congratulations! We have a period
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
