He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
