so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
