things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think my mom watched the whole time
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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