Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
