Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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