come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
