I faked an abortion last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
