remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize