no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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