cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
