it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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