Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
