you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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