Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize