worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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