worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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