Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
