I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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