so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
