I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
third nipple confirmed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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