she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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