I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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