You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize