There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
