Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
