you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
