Acid is not a monday night drug
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
