I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize