Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
