I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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