got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
