she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
